My last post was about those lonely feelings and insecurities you feel sometimes late in the night hours. About how you may not be doing anything wrong and probably are doing more right than you know. Here’s my take in my short 26 years, it’s hard out here for a pimp. Lol So today I’m starting with something that’s important to know before you start dating — your own worth
I speak to the women out there, but men can warp it to them as well. It’s important to know your value! It’s important to know that you are quality and act like it! I like to think quality people attract other quality people and quality should only except quality right? I’m not going to say I have high standards because in reality they aren’t “high”. They just “ARE”. They’re simply standards and I refuse to settle for someone that doesn’t meet them. Not saying those that don’t meet them are any sort of lesser person. They just don’t vibrate at the same frequency as me and their goals/ambitions aren’t in line with mine. Hopefully, one day I’ll find that person who is on the same wavelength as me that it just feels easy and right. Two people running at the same pace, in the same direction, at the same time. (Hypothetically, because there’s been one too many times these past few years where running hasn’t gone well for me. We could settle for walking at the same speed I suppose. Haha) I’d say I want someone to sweep me off my feet and make me weak in the knees but I’ll take a hard pass on the weak knees haha
I’m not saying I haven’t met quality guys but most of them were still “Boys” in a world where I’m looking and waiting for a “Man”. I’m not trying to just simply BE in a relationship. I’m not trying to shove someone into a mold that doesn’t fit. Like shoving a puzzle piece into the wrong puzzle, in the end the picture doesn’t turn out right. In my previous blog, I wrote about shoving someone else in that lonely tomb with you, the hollow “I love you’s “ echoing off the walls, attempting to fill the silence. I think it hurts more to be emotionally wrestling with someone who isn’t on that same level as you. Who isn’t on the same page of emotions or feelings. Ask yourself, why do we feel the need to fill the silence? Why do we feel rushed to latch onto someone else? Why do some people jump from relationship to relationship like a monkey not able to let go of one branch before they have another? Are we that insecure with ourselves? That afraid of ourselves to sit there alone at night with nobody on the line? That scared to sit across from our own insecurities and see them for what they are? Begging for love in a world where true love is truly hard to come by.
For all you single people out there, don’t SETTLE for someone who doesn’t fuel you in the same way you fuel them, because eventually one of you is bound to run out of gas. I aim this at the ladies because I relate to you the most, OBVIOUSLY. Be a lady! Act like a lady and eventually you will find a MAN that’s willing to and who knows how to treat a lady. Know your worth and in the meantime, constantly be working to increase your worth and value. That is what is in your control. Don’t let your happiness depend completely on the relationship of the person you ALLOW to stand beside you. Let your happiness come from within and let it attract someone who wants to be a part of that happiness and can actually ADD to it! People treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. Don’t let someone else dictate your day. Don’t let someone take you for granted. Don’t let someone treat you like an “option” when you damn well deserve to be a “CHOICE”! Don’t let them determine your mood or take your energy without giving anything in return. Your energy is valuable. Give it to those people who deserve it because you deserve the world! You deserve to be happy! You deserve to be fought for! You deserve to find that one person who will be your best friend thick or thin, until the end. And you deserve someone who gives you just as much love as you put out into the world.
Ladies, you shouldn’t have to beg for attention and you shouldn’t have to beg for a man’s time. The right man will MAKE time for you. The right someone will give you the attention you need to feel loved and feel appreciated. A man will carve time out to spend with you because he WANTS to, not because you’ve mentioned it a million times. Understand, people make time for what’s important to them! If they aren’t making time for you, then honestly, you probably barely make the list and you shouldn’t have to feel the sadness, the insecurities, the disappointment of that. You’re not a dog. You’re not a starving animal on a constant search for love. You can find enough love to fill you all around you, if you just choose to see it. The right people love you and will make sure you feel it. You don’t need to question it or go through the struggle of siphoning love out of an unwilling source.
I was talking with my friend the other day about this whole dating process/relationship process and how when us girls feel lonely or in need of love/affection/attention we search for it. So the question got brought up: Why do we allow/find ourselves begging for love from people who are only willing to give us scraps of their love? Like starving animals, we stick around, when we don’t need to be “starving” for anything!
The thing we often forget is that God is always there offering us all of his love. If we choose to act like we’re starving for love or attention, it’s by CHOICE. We don’t need to find ourselves in unfulfilling relationships or going after guys who aren’t willing to give us more than just scraps of their attention or love. I’m not buying into that. I’m willing to wait for someone who wants to get to know me and is willing to put as much energy and love into me, as I have to give him. It’s a balancing act. Sometimes we find ourselves putting more energy into someone than they are putting into you. Feeding someone without getting fed back and we find ourselves starving, drained of whatever energy, vitality, happiness we once had. A good relationship should be nourishing to the mind, the heart, and the soul. They should inspire you, as well as you to inspire them, to be better and challenge you to push your own limits daily. Being in love is a challenge but finding love really shouldn’t be. It’s wherever you choose to see it. Stop looking beside you for someone to fill that love void and look up at all the people in front of you already willingly reaching out, offering whatever love they have to give. You are loved with or without someone filling that space. You are enough. You are quality, so act like it.
Don’t settle for less than what you deserve because you deserve the world! Don’t be afraid to walk in that world alone until the right one makes you feel at home.