Dating… in a world where less is more??

Now let’s talk about how hard and oddly how easy it is to find yourself single in this world today. Like, how do you meet other human beings of the opposite sex or same sex depending on your preference, these days? It’s a serious question!! I like having a drink or two every now and then but even then I don’t really have much success in meeting quality guys at the bar, club, local Chipotle…Not to mention, they have to be at least 6 ft to even get on my radar and maybe a ticket out of the friend-zone…if they are lucky. Trying to talk to a guy or even date one is so mind boggling and a rollercoaster in itself. You don’t know how much of yourself to show to them because you don’t want to show them all the crazy you are snuffing out for the time being. You want to seem at least sane and a bit normal (whatever that is anyway). It’s an endless battle for girls at least to be stuck in their head like: “What is he thinking? Why did he say this? Oh he didn’t text back. That must mean he doesn’t like me. What are we?”

Then we all have these crazy moments when we somehow get to the extreme like: “He didn’t text back. He doesn’t respect me. He probably is talking to another girl, three, ten. Yep he’s definitely a player. You deserve so much better! Go off on him for ignoring you. Naw, don’t show him the crazy. Meh, whatever. light him up, he deserves it. …. * no response for 2 hours* “ Okay crap, backtrack and apologize. Blame it on the one – five margaritas.” “Okay you spilled all crazy out and he hasn’t replied. You’re so stupid. Delete him and ignore him if he ever messages back… This is probably why you’re single. ” “oh he texted back! *waits 1 hour for revenge*.. Hey babe, I’m sorry too for being a little crazy.”

It’s a constant mind game. I don’t know about you, but I go through phases where I find myself lonely and wishing I had someone to care about me/the things in my life and then I decide to actively try to date or talk to guys. Then there’s those times where I’m content just doing my own thing because putting energy into that area seems pointless and too time consuming. There’s also that phase right after a failed attempt to talk to someone and you’re like: “Well… THIS is why I am single and it’s really not so bad. I may just live here….. FOREVERRR. It’s getting pretty comfy in here. “

My problem is that I just want to be blunt and put it all out there. I want them to know what they are getting into. Which is, as you can tell from my previous posts, a person with “issues”.  Haha. I’m constantly fighting the role of knowing what I deserve and not settling for anything less than quality or anyone that doesn’t fit in my screwed up puzzle quite right. I’ve always said “You can’t force a puzzle piece into the wrong spot, the picture won’t turn out right.”

If you’re looking for just a piece to fill that hole, then it does the job but the overall scheme/ picture isn’t going to look complete and it isn’t going to be pretty. The right piece is out there, you just have to put the work in, be patient, and find it. Sometimes it just gets kicked around, lost in the chaos, or in between the couch cushions. I’d say this past year has tested me to practice what I preach and taught me how painful it is to let go of those people you care about but are no good for you. That however is a topic is for another day and another blog.

It’s weird how being blunt scares people off. How sometimes being too real and showing them your undiluted self, scares them. I just want to be like: I’m looking for someone for the long haul. Someone I can actually have deep conversations with, not just superficial/surface conversations. Someone I can relate to and can relate to me and let me tell you guys AND gals, there is NOTHING more sexy or more attractive than someone with ambition, intelligence, kindness, humor, and LOYALTY. Someone who knows what they want or even WHO they want. Nobody should ever tell you anything different. Have goals! Know the kind of person you want in your life for the long haul and know the kind of people you want to be surrounded by. Know the kind of person you want to be and be it! Have some sort of drive towards something! Have an open mind and constantly be thirsty to learn and gain knowledge! Don’t settle for who you are today because tomorrow’s going to come and you don’t want to look back and see that all you’ve been doing is standing in the same spot for the past year. It’s in our nature to want to feel fulfilled and accomplish things, no matter how small. Keep moving, keep walking, and run if you can!

I had a great conversation about this exact thing with someone months ago. It was my birthday weekend, so it only seems right that I was able to relate on this topic with someone else. It was refreshing to know for a fact that there are girls out there that have the same line of thinking as me and that I’m not just screwed up in the head after all those concussions I suffered in college. Nice to know that I only came out with the bare minimum “Dain Bramage” as my dad would put it. 😉

Dear men, let me just say that being a gentleman in the “old school” meaning of that word, will never go out of style. I don’t know a single girl who wouldn’t appreciate a door being opened for them, a call instead of a text, just to see how their day was. An ACTUAL date that requires thought instead of just “Netflix and chill”. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just that we allow ourselves to accept less and be less. Don’t allow yourself to be any less of the man you are supposed to be and ladies don’t allow your man to be anything less either. But don’t allow yourself to be any less of the woman you are supposed to be either. Be a real WOMAN or MAN in the purest form. Not that watered down version society deems acceptable as the “norm” now-a-days. BE better. DO better!

If you already are in a relationship guys, the best advice I’ve given some of my own friends is that “When in doubt, do more!”. When she says,  “Don’t’ come over.” You best be already on your way over. When she says she’s “fine”… She’s not and you best already be already at a McDonalds picking her up a Mcflurry or something sweet… Just saying… You’re welcome!! You’ll thank me one day when you find your better half, who makes your days all that much brighter. Like I said in my last blog, don’t settle for less than what you deserve because you deserve the world! But you also deserve to be pushed to be the best version of yourself possible. Don’t settle for being LESS than who you can be because people also deserve to experience the BEST version of YOU too!

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Aiming For That Right Kind of Love…

Last post was about knowing your worth. In this one, ask yourself, “What kind of love are you looking for?”

I’m one of those suckers that truly believe in love. I’m one of those suckers who love hard and don’t know how to love any other way. I’m one of those suckers who believe that there’s a perfect person out there for me, who makes me feel at home. That God created the right kind of person for me to meet, at the right time in my life for them fit perfectly into the messy person I’ve been “Shaped, Maked, Breaked” into time and time again. A man I can trust with my insecurities and broken edges. Who won’t do me more harm than we as girls already do to ourselves. Someone who makes me feel sexy and like the boss-ass woman I am today. Who lets me know they adore me. I believe love should be two independent people, able to stand on our own, who truly make each other better people. Who make each other into an even better whole. I believe in the type of love that lasts and vibrates within your bones. I may be naïve but I’d rather spend my life waiting for someone who makes me wonder how could someone so perfectly imperfect exist? Someone I could just look at all night and appreciate them for the person they are and who they’ve had to fight to become. Someone who makes me want to add to their life. A person, I absolutely adore and love in their rawest form when all the walls have been broken down.

Also, I believe no woman should be completely reliant on a man. Every relationship is different but there’s nothing more empowering and attractive than a woman who is her own person with a partner she CHOOSES to stand with. Being with someone who CHOOSES her to stand with them, as well. Two people who chose each other at the end of the day and didn’t simply settle for each other because it’s something that was just comfortable or easy. As a woman, I don’t think you should ever allow yourself to be baggage to a man’s life. I say man because that’s just my life situation but warp it to your own life in whatever way. After a while that just gets exhausting. People trying to care for themselves while carrying you along the way? Life’s hard enough, let alone with someone you have to drag up that ladder with you.

Be the woman others look up to and admire. Be that powerhouse of an independent woman to show all those young girls out there that their world and their life doesn’t revolve around finding a certain someone to complete them. That that person isn’t WHO you are, but they help shape you into the best version of yourself. They should be able to see you for the masterpiece that you are, as well as your potential for who you could be. Young girls should know that they were born amazing, complete, and their entire worth doesn’t come from the person they allow to stand beside them.  

Most men I’ve spoken with don’t truly want a woman who is completely reliant on them. They don’t want someone who’s going to weigh them down on their journey to be successful and claw after their dreams. They want a woman who will help mold them into the man they need to be! Carry your load and EARN your keep! BUT let’s not act like and think that there aren’t men out there who are lazy pieces, riding on the drive and success of the woman who keeps them around. That door swings both ways people. I’ve said before that a good relationship should be two people running at the same pace, on the same wavelength, adding to each other’s life, making it better. ADDING value to an already priceless piece.

I want to look at my man and smile, thinking “Damn, I really enjoy doing life with you.” I want to be able to tell him how he makes me a better person. How he brought light to those dark places inside me that hadn’t been viewed by anyone else for a very long time. I want to tell him how he inspires me to live more vibrantly and motivates me to strive after my dreams. I don’t want to be with him out of comfort or because I want someone to hold me or give me attention from time to time. I don’t want to be with someone just because I’m tired of waiting for the “right someone”. I don’t plan on stuffing another person into that “theoretical” coffin of loneliness with me pretending there is room for the empty “I love you’s”. I’d rather be alone. I’d rather be the badass I know I can be. I’d rather be an inspiration to those women out there who cry behind closed doors, brewing in their insecurities and feelings, unwillingly playing the games of the person toying with their mind, painting that smile on as they walk out the door.

I’m not saying that love is easy. I’m not saying that it’s always sunshine and rainbows, but at the end of the day, actually no, every damn day, all day, it’s a balance system. If someone wakes up with only 10% love to give, the other has to make up for the other 90%. You should always have to strive to have that 100% kind of love. It’s WORK. It’s hard. It damn well wasn’t easy to find, so why should we expect it to be easy to keep? People have their ups and downs but they found each other so they don’t have to walk through life alone. They found each other because sometimes, it’s nice not to carry all that weight alone. Sometimes it’s a relief to look into the eyes of someone who truly cares about you and for them to say, “Don’t worry I got this. WE got this.”

I believe in true love. The kind of love that vibrates deep within your bones. I’m not looking for a half-assed love, for a half-assed marriage, with a half-assed effort kind of man. I don’t know about you, but I’m just not aiming to live a half-assed kind of life. I’ll wait for someone I get to live fully with. Someone I can look at smiling, thinking, “I really love doing life with you.” I want to look to God one day and say: “Thank you for sending me the man I prayed so long and hard for. He was well worth the wait.”